Me gusto whining
Suppose someone actually visited this website? They might wonder why I haven’t reviewed anything in about three months. The answer can be embodied in one chilling word.
Algebra.
Everyday, every waking hour, it has dominated my life. A useless, tedious and squalid waste of the precious gift of existence God has granted me. When I have passed this class, I shall burn my sadistically confusing textbook in a sacrificial wickerman in the eldritch stone circle located in my backyard. (No, I’m not being colorful, there’s a druid grotto in my backyard. What? You don’t have one?) I shall never solve another equation again. Just like everyone else who has ever taken algebra! You hear me, you tweedy, soulless math apologists?! In the real world, algebra has never been of any use to anyone, anywhere! I defy you to say different!
For all those none of you who have desperately missed my unique brand of petty snark, I offer you this nugget.
While watching sitcom re-runs, and simultaneously studying logarithms (*Grrrrr!*) I witnessed two commercials. One was for the film ‘Ultraviolet’, which features Milla Jovovich flipping around in a fright wig and shooting people. She wore her one standard-issue facial expression throughout. (Which for those who’ve never witnessed it in its majesty, is a cross between cold petulance and mild constipation.) The other ad was for an online insurance company. It featured a shapely animated lady who flipped around in a pink fright wig and shot at a cartoon robot. She smiled, grimaced, and displayed a sly playfulness while vanquishing her foe.
It has now been proven to me that Milla Jovovich can be out-acted by a crayon scribble.
March 10, 2006