An old mine is re-opened after being closed for near’ a century. (It seems that a series of tragedies and disappearances had caused the original shutdown.) Two young couples move into the area to take advance of the new job opportunities, but they’re in for a nasty shock. Something has been trapped in the mine lo these many years, and it’s just been released. Something very old. Something very hungry.

I had high hopes for the this film. It’s gotten some very positive buzz on the internet, and I’ve been looking forward to seeing it for quite a while now. The movie starts off very nicely. There is some excellent use of chilly scenery, and the remote Colorado locale filled with dusty old pickup trucks and rustic shacks is just loverly.

The film is quite masterful at building a palpable ambience. Trouble is, it’s not building up to much of anything.

For a film that establishes its backstory with a one-minute newspaper montage, it sure takes its sweet time moving the plot along. The majority of the film is not spent in moments of terror, nor even building up the backstory of the mine and the boogens themselves, but instead examining the intricate relationship between our four young workers. While they aren’t the typical shallow and/or annoying dullards so often found in horror films, the two couples simply aren’t that interesting. I come to a film like this to be scared, not see if what’s her face is going to hook-up with miner-boy. (BTW, they do. As if you didn’t know.) The acting is quite good for the most part. (Though “Trish” isn’t very convincing when she’s supposed to be scared.) Even though I wasn’t enthralled by their company, I’d be the first to admit the characters are developed well. The problem is the sh*t-slow, galumphing, padded plot. The film seems to have misplaced its second act, and stretches out both its first act (Nothing much happening) and its third act (Everything happening, but not very well) to the breaking point.

‘The Boogens’ may be an intelligent flick, but it’s just not scary. We keep waiting and waiting (and waiting some more) for the titular monsters to make their appearance. The critters need some initiative. (Or maybe just some coffee. Lord knows I‘m always a bit sluggish after being sealed up in an abandoned mine for a couple' hundred years.) Well intentioned or not, what can I say about a film where the most action packed sequence in the first half involves a dog eating a shoe?

To its credit, the film avoids the usual horror clichés, (Although there is one unturnable doorknob during one of the chase scenes.) but as I’ve said before; I’d rather have a film be derivative, clichéd, or even downright stupid rather than be presented with lethargic or un-engaging originality.

A rather low budget means that we don’t see the monsters for most of the film. In the meantime, it appears as if everyone is being attacked by Sam Raimi low camera angles. This actually works to the film’s advantage; while the creatures (sort of arachnid Muppets) are not unimpressive, they certainly aren’t innately terrifying. Had they been shown straight-on during the course of the film, they probably would have produced giggles in the audience. Even with the crafty direction employed by James L. Conway, it’s hard for me to believe that someone could be easily killed by one of these things.

‘The Boogens’ is a thoughtful tale, but it’s not well told. In fact, it’s (dare I say it?) downright boring. I give the movie bonus points for originality, but what it really needed was a hell of a lot more story to fill out its running time.