Return of the Living Dead 4

Return of the Living Dead 4:
Necropolis

Plot:

An evil corporation plans to use trioxin for world domination. Now only a plucky group of teenagers can fight the bad thing. (More info on this plot can be found on pages 12 and 17 of “A child’s garden of hack horror screenplay clichés”.)

Comments:

The Sci-fi channel is really headed in an interesting direction, don’t you think? They cancel a show like ‘MST3000’ in order to bring us these high quality original productions made for pocket change somewhere in lower Asskracklevania. If you think I’m going to go easier on a low-budget flick, you don’t know me very well. Some of the greatest horror films ever made were done so on budgets that make ’Necropolis’ look like ’Waterworld’. Besides, the great dearth here isn’t in production values, it’s in brains. Delicious brains.

After a very clumsy exposition filmed in an abandoned Czech textile factory (Hoo-boy! Did these folks get their money’s worth!) we are introduced to the shallowest cast of teenage stereotypes this side of an 80’s slasher film. (I don’t remember their names, and they really don’t matter. There’s a geek, a jock, a punk, a slut, the hero, the hero’s girlfriend, and the token black kid. It’s like Nightmare on Elm St. 5 threw up in here.) The hero and his brother (Who seems to be pyro with serious mental problems, but he’s supposed to be cute, so I assume he would have grown out of it before he killed someone. Maybe.) lost their parents in a car crash and are sent to live with their evil uncle, the evil head of evil research at EvilCo., makers of drowned kittens and a clandestine zombie army. (Given their nature, they probably also had something to do with those Bratz dolls and Fiona Apple’s new comeback album.)

The acting is wooden and clumsy; it’s obvious that most of the cast are natives affecting American accents. (It’s odd to think of us as having accents, but I guess we do.) Though brand new, the film also seems oddly dated, with Leonardo DeCaprio and Britney Spears references flying around aimlessly. The most current thing about the film may ironically be its lazy choice of villain. This may be an attempt on the part of the filmmakers to tap into the post-Enron distrust of big business, just as the original referenced common anxieties of faceless government. Then again, the big evil corporation is just another timeworn Hollywood platitude, maybe I’m reading too much creativity into it. Even putting aside the production values, the most impressive part of the first hour was a Raisin Bran Crunch commercial.

Worse, than cheap, this film is stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. There is little to no logical connection with the rest of the ROTLD series. The questionable chemical in this installment is trioxin 5 not 245. The zombies can’t run, and simple head shots kill them. As a matter of fact, shots to the torso are also occasionally fatal; not only does this film ignore the rules of the franchise, it flaunts its own. Like in the third film, someone has gotten the brilliant idea that uncontrollable, highly contagious, and unreasonable monsters would make excellent bio-weapons. Then again, why am I expecting this level of foresight from a company which stores its test subject in flimsy aluminum cages that pop open for no good reason?

This movie is like something that would result if Uwe Boll and Paul Anderson had sweaty gay sex. (I’m sorry to put that image in your head. Actually, I’m sorry for that whole simile. In fact, I’m sorry for this whole damn thing. ) The philosophy here seems to be: “Get the film made, get a tax write-off. Only nerds care about quality.“ There are a few touchstones with the rest of the series. Like its predecessors, this film has an atrocious era-specific soundtrack. (And believe me, bad death metal music is a lot more irritating than bad 80’s punk.) There are a few less than subtle references to the original (“Send more security guards.“) but in a film this lazy and digressive, it seems more like aping in parody than nostalgic homage. (And since the original was a parody, that’s just sad.)

Unfortunately, you can only get pork brain pizzas in South Carolina. Some of the later action scenes are ok, if only in a “look, things are actually going on now” kind of way. I will say in the film’s favor that we are spared a few of the happy ending bromides. Highlight to read spoilers. We learn the hero’s dead parents have been fitted with advanced weaponry and turned into killing machines. (Ala Nemesis in ‘RE: Apocalypse‘.) Like in the aforementioned piffle, we would expect them to regain their humanity and come to their child’s aid. This is certainly not what happens. Similarly, one would expect the annoying cum useful little brother to come through the film unscathed. Again, against genre taboos about redemption and the perseverance of children, he still gets chomped.

Unfortunately this small bit of creativity cannot negate the paint-by-numbers nature of the entire production. Even for a Sci-fi original, this is extremely sloppy.

3.0