We here at The Haunted Bog (by which I mean me, and the various voices in my head) grade works of art on a scale from 0 to 10. Pretty straightforward, but if you'd like a bit more detail on what these scores mean, well read on...

Less than 0.0, Rare (thank Cthulhu), but unfortunately, a body does encounter the occasional film which encompasses such a level of metaphysical awfulness, that it warrants a negative rating. (Helpfully conveyed by a minus sign, what I like to call poop-color on the score.)

0.0 Yech. The qlipoth of a perfect 10. A film containing nothing, NOTHING worth watching! The type of crappy flick it hurts to remember. Try not to watch these, or even think about them for that matter. They can scar you.

0.5 A vacuum of a film, but not quite as grueling as an absolute zero. It can leave you head-achy and weepy, but without the same black existentialist dread gnawing at your soul.

1.0 A big dump with a glimmer of its wasted potential showing through. Tends to leave you drained like you've been tongue-kissing Lillith, but you could just end up pissed-off at perfect strangers for wasting your time.

1.5 The aforementioned, with perhaps one good scene.

2.0 This film may have some good ides marred by a crappy presentation, or visa-versa, be a slick production masking a hollow heart.

2.5 Now we’re in the area of film you might actually consider watching during a boring rainy afternoon, during a late-night snackfest, or any other time when you have nothing better to do.

3.0 A step above time-killing junk. Give it a look when your desperate for entertainment.

3.5 The type of flick you might actually enjoy, if your not picky. Being drunk or sleep deprived definitely helps the experience.

4.0 A good film that failed. Got nothing better to do? You might give it a try.

4.5 You get the picture, it's a wee bit better than SNL re-runs.

5.0 Mediocrity at its purist. Neither notable nor lamentable.

5.5 Mediocrity with an edge. Fair at best

6.0 An interesting (but not great) movie, best viewed with friends, booze, snacks, and other distractions.

6.5 A good film you may want to see more than once. You might even tape it (and then never watch it again, like you do with most things you tape)

7.0 A great film, watch it at least once.

7.5 A greater film, you may want to fire up the DVR.

8.0 Ah! We now approach excellence. There aren’t that many that make it this far up the ladder. Enjoy!

8.5 You really should add this to your collection.

9.0 These films would be perfect, sans a couple of minor flaws. Anyone would be proud to be involved with a film like this.

9.5 Shy of perfection by just a speck or two. Most of these films are legendary, or at least should be.

10 Yes! Perfect! You'll never tire of it. A macabre 'Casablanca'.

10+ A  logical impossibility (what's better than perfect?), but I could never be accused of being overly logical. I've given negative ratings before, and one day I hope to give this one.