An alien parasite lands in a small rural community. It begins infecting the townsfolk, commandeering their brains and mutating their bodies to suit its own insidious purpose.

I’ve been keeping away from the movie theaters lately. (Then again, so has everyone else.) There’s no mystery to it, I’ve been far too busy to review much of anything. Considering both the flood of recent ‘horror’ films as well as their uniform mediocrity, my pittance of free time is better suited catching up on the monumental pile of notes I have yet to transform into anything coherent. (If I may flatter myself by referring to my normal writing as coherent.) ‘Slither’ seemed like a good bet; an independent film which looked like something of an homage to ‘Night of the Creeps’. Was it just another waste of my dwindling time? Well, yes and no.

Slither is a horribly uneven film. Those who suffer through its first half will be rewarded with some genuine creeps. Unfortunately, suffer we must.

Like so many lesser productions, the film thinks it must simply be crude in order to be funny, repulsive in order to be scary. The dialogue is sh*t. Literally. A near-constant barrage of four letter words and other crudity substitutes for wit. I’m not sure if the film is consciously trying to emulate the good ol’ alien/zombie flicks of the 80’s. In any case, ’Slither’ is neither as clever nor as classy. Despite its tongue-in-cheek nature, it’s hard for me to enjoy a film which not only features gratuitous animal cruelty, but which subjects me to country & western music without a buffer of irony. (Man, that’s just cold!)

May I digress for a moment and discuss a trend of late which I find utterly annoying? (Who said no? Well bugger-off, this is my review after all!) This film mercilessly overindulges in post-‘Scream’ cocktease-ification. Please don’t take me for just another testosterone-oozing fratboy with delusions of literacy. I prefer it when a movie takes the highroad and leaves pointless sex out of the picture. However, do me a favor. If you have no intention of paying off, then please just leave scenes of cheap titillation out of your film altogether, ok? This “Oh look breasts… Psyche!“ malarkey is as distracting as having a five year old twiddle his finger inches from your nose. (“What’s the matter? Stop whining. I’m not touching you!”)

I’ve mentioned before that the whole Cronenberg style of horror (themes of disfigurement /disease) just doesn’t scare me. My tastes run more on an archetypal level. (Walking dead, etc.) Not possessing the whole contamination hang-up (at least not to any consciously discernable level) I am unable to find scenes of swollen abdomens, mutilated critters, and Freudian worm rape anything other than ugliness for ugliness’ sake. However, I do realize that this is simply a symptom of my particular madness, and will not let my proclivities detract much from the final score. Most folks simply aren’t as jaded as I am.

Somewhere around the midpoint of the film, our heroes stumble upon the full breadth of their situation. This marks an interesting change in the film’s tone. Gone is the meandering exposition, stillborn comic relief, and clumsy physical horror. All at once the movie becomes hectic, panicky and more than a little creepy. The alien slugs assimilate the minds of those they consume. Imagine, not only facing extinction from an all-consuming parasite, but a parasite which wears the skin of your friends and family, shrieking after you in their stolen voices. (Ah, there’s that creepy archetypal horror I was looking fer’!)

In keeping with its gonzo nature, the film features some very amusing gore effects. (Sans a few cruddy cgi shots.) Acting is probably the movies‘s best point. The cast of unknowns carry their parts with a surplus of charm and believability, more than enough in fact to make you wonder why anyone, anyone, would pay hammy mainstream flakes like Tom Cruise more than $20.00 for some pale cookie-cutter performance. (Sorry. I’m still pissed off over ‘War of the Worlds’.) Despite the presence of some hick stereotypes, and one or two thoroughly unlikable characters, it’s pretty easy to bond with these folks. Even this callous bastard found himself hoping everything would turn out alright in the end. (Although, when everyone you’ve ever known is now an oozy homicidal monster with a brain full of worms, “alright” is a relative term.)

‘Slither’ is not a bad movie, it’s just as good as it should be. It possesses the manic energy of its indie compatriots, but not the smarts that make those films the classics they are. If you enjoy themes of icky squiggly alien infection, it’s worth a look. Us more Jungian types can wait for the film to make its regal debut on some 2^nd tier cable movie channel.