Torture Garden

Torture Garden

Plot:

A British anthology film. In the waxworks display of a seedy carnival, the future of the damned is foretold by a figure of Atropos, goddess of fate. And I thought it had something to do with S&M botany!

Comments:

I love British horror anthologies, I just do. The difference between an anthology and a regular horror film is like the difference between a novel and a collection of short stories. Is the plot a stinker? In regular film, you’re screwed. In an anthology, just wait five minutes and something neat will take its place. With stories by Robert Bloch and actors such as Peter Cushing, Jack Palance, and Burgess Meredith, this film should have been among the best of its kind. However, something here is seriously lacking.

The film starts out strong by presenting us with an imaginative and engrossing little number. A young ne’er-do-well murders his rich uncle when he threatens to cut him out of the family inheritance. In disposing of the body, he discovers a ghostly cat, which oddly enough seems to be tied to his uncle’s worldly success. Well acted and original, this one episode was worth the rental for me.

The second story is the weakest of the bunch, and serves as an anchor in the production. A slutty biatch tries to connive her way into show business by stealing her roommate’s date; a fat, bald, bitter, soon to be ex-producer. (Hint honey, if you want to sleep your way to the top, try hooking up with someone whose future doesn’t involve rent-to-own furniture and $2.99 a quart whiskey.) He ends up murdered, and she ends up being drawn into a world of conspiracy, intrigue, and robots. The ending is pretty ironic, but it’s also a mess of sci-fi hokum that feels out of place in a horror film. Of course, the whole episode is sub-par, so it really doesn’t matter.

Unfortunately, just when we needed something really cool to snap us out of our apathy, we get the second-most anemic story of the lot. A girl falls in love with a pianist, only to find out his instrument is possessed. (The piano, you pervs!) The ghost of his late mother (or possibly the muse of music, I’m not clear on that point) is jealous of the new girl, and tries to scare her away to preserve the lad’s career. That’s pretty much it; it’s kind of like ‘Christine’ only musical. The concept isn’t very strong, and the whole episode ends too abruptly to be satisfying.

The final tale features Jack Palance and Peter Cushing in an adaptation of Bloch’s haunting tale ‘The Man who Collected Poe’. As much as I like the old sob, Palance’s odd acting (I think maybe he was trying to affect an North Eastern accent) is just distracting. Cushing is great, but then again he always is. While the episode nicely builds up suspense, the climax doesn’t deliver. The poor portrayal of Poe, and a cheesy re-write to include a satanic pact, are just a letdown. This segment actually serves as a small metaphor for the film entire. It possess great actors and some talented writing, but the lazy execution doesn’t live up to the latent potential.

The framing device is no big shakes, (but it does give Meredith the chance to act good and hammy) and the coda is as weak as it is unnecessary. (His name is Dr. Diablo, and he’s portrayed by Burgess Meredith. We know who it is already! Who else is it gonna be, Samus Aran?)

Mediocre at best, in a world of outstanding Amicus anthologies this one just doesn’t hold up.

4.0