I Walked with a Zombie

I Walked with a Zombie

Plot:

A young nurse called to the isle of San Sebastian becomes enmeshed in a love triangle with two brothers, one a drunk, the other a complete prat. She falls in love with the latter, for no discernable reason. Also, there’s something in there about voodoo. I think.

Comments:

Do you ever feel like you’re the only one in the world who feels the way you do? Do you ever feel like you’ll be shunned amongst your own peers for expressing your point of view? Almost as if it would be insufferably rude to say what you really think? (At this point I’m flashing back to a lovely breakfast with my grandmother and my aunt, where each in turn were extolling the talents of Barbara Streisand and Cher.) Then again, this isn’t a garden party where I‘m expected, or even given the option, of holding my tongue. Critiquing movies is what I do here; I just can’t get around saying what I have to say, other than to lie to you, the reader. This is something I am not prepared to do.

So here it goes.

This movie is not scary. It’s not even very interesting. Val Lewton movies on the whole, are neither frightening nor entertaining. (Though they do have their moments.) Just because something is old and gray does not make it a classic. Just because something is languid and talky does not make it smart. And just because something is shadowy and dark, does not make it horror.

Of course, no one agrees with me. This film is universally regarded as a timeless classic. I haven’t felt the same troubling sensation since ‘Lost in Translation’ premiered to the thunderous acclaim of every film critic on earth, save myself who thought it was a shallow and pretentious mess made for and about self-absorbed, self-pitying ethnocentrics. I truly feel like I’m missing something. Is every one else right? Is there something in here I’m not seeing? Can I trust myself over the voice of every other? (Hell yes I can!)

Notice I have never said anything about this film being of low quality. The camerawork is as luminescent as anyone could claim, and those few scenes where Tourneur gets out of the damned house and down to the voodoo gathering are eerie and surreal. (Mostly because you’ve completely forgotten you’re watching a horror movie at this point.) It’s the plot that stinks. I’m sorry it just does. Those in the know claim ‘Zombie’ to be a re-working of Bronte’s ‘Jayne Eyre’. (Then again, they also claim that this film is good.) Not being a big fan of 19^th century chick lit, I can’t really comment, other than to say that this film does bear much resemblance to the type of turgid over-glorified piffle a misguided English professor might inflict on an innocent and unfortunate student. Do not mistake me! It is not the sentimentality of this film that puts me off, it’s the phoniness of it all. Maybe I’m just a cynical fart, but I find no scenes of true human connection here, no genuine emotional resonance. Instead, we witness endless drab scenes of faux romantic tension. It’s like an episode of ‘General Hospital’ with walking corpses. As a innocuous melodrama, the type that entertains bored housewives, this film excels, but g*dammit, it is not scary! The characterization is shallow and the pacing is as leaden as the limbs of undead themselves!

Another thing proponents of Lewton/Tourneur tend to tip-toe around is that in its own way, the film is as racist as any Lovecraft tale. (Hey! Another comparison to ‘Lost in Translation’!) Pretty white people shudder in horror at the primalism of the natives. I've heard some talk about how Lewton puts voodoo on equal footing with Christianity, but I just don't see it. The complex and ancient religion exists only on the perephiery of this story, useful for nothing save for when some Wasp needs an evil act to be performed.

And there you have it. Feel free to send me flame e-mail calling me a no-brow philistine for not savoring and mulling over this tedious soap opera like a moldy nugget of bleu cheese. I will honor your opinion, and if you don’t honor mine, at least I can sleep tonight. You see, I didn’t lie

2.0