Zotz!
Yesterday, I entered a little piece of
heaven.
No, this isn't one of those stories, you pervs.
I have found the movie nerd's Valhalla in The Simmons Brother's Motion Picture Company. If you happen to be within driving distance of New Bedford (you poor unfortunate soul) you'd be nerts not to check this place out. The bros. carry everything from highfalutin documentaries and foreign drama to obscure giallo and drive-in flicks. They also have a damn fine selection of William Castle films, and it's thanks to them that I was finally able to track down a copy of 'Zotz!'
For those of you who've never heard of it, 'Zotz!'
is based on the novel by Walter Karig concerning a professor of ancient
languages who comes into contact with a powerful relic; a coin, forged by the
cult of a long forgotten deity, which posses the power to inflict pain, slow
down motion, and even kill. If that scenario sounds rife with dramatic
potential, well, sorry to disappoint.
The early 60's saw a perceived withering of enthusiasm for Castle's brand of
funhouse horror film. Sensing the need to adapt as well as feeling the itch to
expand his forte, Castle decided to try his hand at comedy. 'Zotz!' was meant to
imitate the Disney style of innocuous family fun, with a cursed coin
substituting for flubber. (Glavin!… sorry)
Well, Bill needn't have done it on my account, and I'm sure a vast majority of
his fans feel the same way. However, I will admit that the film has a certain
haphazard charm.
Tom Poston stars as John Jones, last
surviving Martian eccentric professor of a small university. When a
former student sends an ancient Middle Eastern coin to Jones' niece (Grave
robbing; it's the new texting!) the professor does a little translating/invoking
eldritch deities, and before you know it there's dead lizards and ruthless KGB
agents akimbo. The film is silly, some would say to a fault, though it's hardly
the movie's most grievous sin. The low-key charm aptly showcased on Poston's tv
work is pretty much wasted. The role is kooky enough, but played much too strait
(and oddly so) to take advantage of his hangdog appeal. The plot really doesn't
gel either, being little more than a series of lethargic high jinks with a
little cold-war espionage thrown in. Then again, I can honestly say I at least
never found the film off putting or even uninteresting, which is apparently a
damn hard chore for most films of its era.
'Zotz!' proved to be a misstep. Castle's horror fan base
was probably turned off by it's lack of chills and flabby slapstick. (It
is perhaps a classic lesson for cult film developers, it's fine to branch out,
but don't try to emulate an anemic mainstream that will never except you.)
Castle would team up with Poston once more, this time trying to temper zany
humor with "spooky" thrills in his remake of 'The Old Dark House'.
But I'm in a good mood, and we will not discuss that film today.
Though it bears a rather iffy provenance, I really wasn't put off by 'Zotz!'
It's silly enough to be kinda cute, and keep in mind this is coming from someone
bears neither very well.
4.0
June 20, 2008